Nintendo Releases New 'Pokémon' Game To Irritate Fans Who Like Other Franchises

REDMOND, WA — In a bold move to infuriate video game fans who dare to enjoy other franchises and are thus undeserving of joy, Nintendo has announced yet another entry in the immensely popular Pokémon franchise.

"Get ready for another fantastic game, Pokémon fans!" exclaimed Nintendo President Satoru Iwata. "We've got 'Pokémon: Ash Goes to Misty's House and Misses Opportunities for Girlfriend Progression Because He Lacks Emotional Intelligence and Fails to Ask Her Out Before She Moves to the Kanto Region' launching later this year. Oh my Jigglypuff! This game is bound to make anyone who likes anything else absolutely fume!"

"When fans of other video games—those poor souls undeserving of joy—see the wealth of content we have prepared for our loyal audience of tens of millions of Pokémon Sun and Moon players, they will writhe with seething rage! Will Channing Tatum finally ask Jenna Dewan-Tatum out on another date? Who cares? Who cares? Nintendo has presented yet another nail-biting choice between Ghost Gyarados or Blue-Haired Gyarados, while Ash remains a perpetually twelve-year-old, penniless vagabond on a quest for companionship and adventure, utterly oblivious to Misty's advances. Meanwhile, some teenager is squandering precious awake time daydreaming about rekindling a flame with Jenna? Other gaming fans are going to be furious!!!1111!!!!"

At publishing time, the Nintendo president emphasized that anyone investing their time in other video games is merely wasting it, especially since Zelda doesn’t have a ridiculous subtitle like PlayStation games do.