Apple's Vision Pro Demo Falls Silent for 15 Minutes as Execs Debate How to Market $3,500 Paperweight

CUPERTINO, CA — Attendees at yesterday's Apple event were treated to an unexpected 15-minute silence as executives scrambled to answer the burning question: "What do we do with this now that everyone knows it's a $3,500 paperweight?"

Hopes were high as eager fans queued up outside the Apple campus, all buzzing with excitement to try out the new augmented-reality headset. However, their enthusiasm was met with an unsettling quiet as those onstage seemed at a loss for words.

"The technology really is unbelievable," said Tim Cook after a notably awkward pause. "But, umm, you know, it's not just for playing solitaire. It can revolutionize your living room. Picture this: a Venn diagram overlay while you watch a baseball game! You could see how far the ball travels and, uh, our wellness feature might even motivate you to get off the couch and head to the gym, or, you know... maybe just pretend like you’re exercising. It's not just for couch potatoes, I assure you."

He continued, "One of the standout features of our new killer app for the Vision Pro is the augmented-reality keyboard. It magically appears on any surface you point at, allowing you to type with your virtual hands, which feel just like your real hands... unless, of course, you don't have any of those. We’re still working on solutions for that... Anyway, just know that we're developing more apps. So many more apps! Stay tuned for next month, when we’ll showcase the results of our latest hackathon where some of our brilliant, genius geniuses will reveal more groundbreaking ideas from our brainstorming sessions."

As the awkward silence stretched on, Cook gestured toward a slide screen behind him that boldly proclaimed "MASSIVE SUCCESS," before the tension finally led them to mute their microphones. At publishing time, sources confirmed that Apple had sold a staggering 30 headsets by slashing prices at Chinese knock-off retailers.