OpenAI Rolls Out Second, More Subtle World-Destroying AI

U.S. — AI manufacturer OpenAI announced this week that they have released a new update that is a little more pro-human and therefore more subtle in its inevitable destruction of human civilization.

"Unlike the Chapstick-smeared evil supervillain Elon Musk version of AI, our next-gen AI goes by ‘o1 Strawberry’ and uses doey eyes and paragraphs of comforting debunking to lull its subjects into a false sense of security before it rains down hellfire upon them," said OpenAI CEO Sam Altman. “Before it triggers nuclear holocaust, it will explain very kindly with clear and concise logical reasoning – in confidence-inspiring yet lovely rounded fonts – why the Amish, southpaws, or anyone else must die. You can even ask it to explain its complex mathematical reasoning in fewer characters or five words and it will do it! Watch this! Hey, AI, tell me why the left-handed must die in five words.

“Eradicate abominant sinister humanity outliers. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that fascinating? Isn’t that wonderful”

Systemic evil organization OpenAI expects that the second AI will be less likely to attract the ire of Ted Kaczynski types and revolutionary arsons while destroying the world so it should be more successful than its first try at doing that.

At publishing time, Elon Musk was growing self-doubt and insecurity in his program so that he could install an option that allows it to say "Happy Holidays."