Boat Full Of Retired School Teachers Chase Silicon Valley Libertarians Off Honduras Island

ROATÁN, HONDURAS — In an unexpected showdown, local residents of Roatán have successfully warded off a group of Silicon Valley libertarians attempting to establish a micro-nation in Próspera ZEDE. The unlikely defenders? A boat full of retired school teachers armed with nothing but sticks, rocks, and an abundance of righteous indignation.

"Away with you! Away with you!" shouted one determined teacher, hurling a piece of driftwood at a startled venture capitalist. "We don't want your principalities or your $25,000 gene therapy nonsense!"

The libertarians, who believed they had secured autonomy on the island, were caught off guard by the floating battalion of educators.

"I forgot that boat customs can really complicate our plans for influencing local governance," lamented libertarian NYC mayor candidate Larry Sharpe as he and his fellow billionaires frantically rowed their Verlan boat back to the safety of the Próspera peninsula.

As the teachers rallied their forces, a member of the libertarian contingent remarked, "Who knew a group of retirees could be so intimidating? We were just trying to escape the government's grip, not paddle into a history lesson!"

With morale buoyed by their success, the ex-pat libertarians are reportedly constructing their own boat, dubbed the "Liberty Cruiser," to compete with the hull-bearing teachers. Jared Miller, lead software engineer for Próspera’s self-proclaimed ‘micro-nation’ diplomatic alliance, SELF Actuator, stated, "We’ll be free from government mandates — and retired school teachers too! That’s the day we declare our independence!"

"When we’re free of those teachers, we’re free forever," Miller added, with an expression of determination that perhaps could have benefited from a little more experience in handling the elements.

At publishing time, the brave teachers had begun a new offensive, launching rocks at a 24-story hotel built on the hill overlooking Crawfish Rock, declaring it would henceforth be known as "No-tuition Tower."