Amazon Eero Outdoor 7 Promises To Bring Internet Connectivity To Every Square Inch Of Your Yard So Neighbors Can Call In Noise Complaints 20% Faster

DETROIT, MI — Amazon's tech innovation continues its trailblazing march with the unveiling of the Eero Outdoor 7, promising to blanket your outdoor space with high-speed internet access. Now, your neighbors can file noise complaints about your weekend rager a whopping 20% faster than ever!

Despite skepticism from critics who questioned the demand for streaming speeds in backyards, gardens, and pool areas, Amazon's research team has tapped into a previously unexplored market—speedier notifications to law enforcement for those pesky noise complaints that come in after sundown.

"The Eero Outdoor 7 is rugged and dependable, ensuring you stay connected when that irritable neighbor Joe decides to call the cops," said Amazon representative Damian Politzer at the device's launch event. "Whether you're hosting a backyard barbecue, family reunion, or a late-night pool bash, Eero Outdoor 7 guarantees you'll receive those 'Turn down the music!' texts at lightning speed, and that neighbors' reports to authorities will be delivered at least 20% faster than before."

Anticipation is building for the product's release, especially for those who struggle to maintain a Wi-Fi connection more than 35 feet from their home, or live next door to someone allergic to fun. Now you can let the good times roll without your neighbors being able to drag you to the police so quickly.

At publishing time, Amazon had launched a new promotional bundle, encouraging customers to also purchase an Astro robot to patrol their yards and keep nosy neighbors at bay.