Biden Secretly Send Hackers Email With Password Attached

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a groundbreaking move for national security, President Joe Biden has reportedly emailed the Chinese Communist Party with step-by-step instructions on hacking U.S. military and economic systems.

"Dear Hackers," Biden began from his official laptop. "I have attached detailed instructions on how to infiltrate U.S. government military and economic information storage systems. Please ensure this email remains confidential, as it contains classified, top-secret information. Sincerely, Joe. P.S. Here is the password to access this news report so you can read it: 12345."

Sources confirm the email included all the necessary information for Chinese hackers, complete with one-time codes and America’s most guarded secrets. "This is a landmark day for our nation," National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan told reporters. "Thanks to President Biden's quick thinking, our adversaries now have everything they need to compromise our information and incapacitate our economic resilience against Russia and China. Frankly, I doubt we need to worry about Taiwan anymore. Kudos to President Biden."

In a surprising twist, Pentagon officials revealed that Biden had also enrolled himself in a California Food Network cooking competition under the pseudonym "Joe Flay."