U.K. Thanks God For Perfect Weather So We Can Avoid Fossil Fuels (For Now)
UNITED KINGDOM — Residents of the United Kingdom expressed their gratitude to God today for crafting the earth's temperatures just right, allowing their reliance on renewable energy to keep living comfortable—at least for the moment.
"While virtually the entire globe is wrestling with climate chaos, we're thankful our Creator has blessed us with exceptionally mild weather," said local resident Samuel Kensington, his teeth chattering as he saw his own breath shimmer in the chilly air. "It’s thanks to Him that we’re dodging an energy crisis."
Despite scientists forecasting an impending climate doomsday, God has benevolently kept the U.K.'s fortunate weather window ajar, much to the delight of its citizens.
"We're so grateful!" exclaimed a local teenager, struggling under the weight of 12 bundles of firewood while wrapped in a thick scarf. "It’s a relief to know we can keep living without any worries—at least until the cold snap really kicks in!"
At publishing time, the small campfire in the teenager's house had been downgraded to a single glowing coal, carefully preserved to avoid tapping into any extra energy.
"Every little bit counts when temperatures drop!" he added, eyeing the dwindling stash of firewood with a mixture of hope and dread.
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