Woman On Verge Of Panic Attack As She Watches Husband Vacuuming USB-C Ports

NEW WINDSOR, NY — One woman experienced intense anxiety today when she witnessed her husband vacuuming the precious USB-C ports on all the family's Apple devices.

"He was going to destroy all our cell phones!" said Emily Stark, who had just finished a very nerve-wracking event this morning. "I mean, everyone knows a tiny amount of suction from the vacuum is enough to cause irreversible damage to those stupid USB-C ports. Even looking at them wrong can mess them up! I was panicking!"

According to Stark, she had asked her husband to help with cleaning the house, not realizing the dangerous path her request would lead them down. "I don't think my husband knows how precarious and perfectly breakable USB-C ports are," she said. "He didn't even have the proper training! I had to hold his arm back to prevent him from destroying our whole family. Mans can't be vacuuming!"

Though she reportedly wanted her husband to reassure her that her morning panic attack was totally justified, husband Jeffrey Stark wasn't on the same page. "All I did was vacuum the couch cushions, our carpet, the sides of the fridge, and Emily's backpack straps," Jeffrey reported. "I don't know what she's worried about. As long as she didn't have them plugged into our Ford truck. You know what those things can do!"

At publishing time, Jeffrey was researching whether a pool toy noodle might work in a pinch.