Moderators Drill Holes In Trump’s Earrings To Hide Tiny Fact Checkers

MIAMI, FL — Former President Donald Trump has agreed to wear earrings quietly fitted with tiny fact-checkers for the subsequent rounds of debates.

The contest between President Donald Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris sparked controversy when Vice President Harris seemed to be wearing a pair of stylish earrings that some claimed secretly amplified the sounds of far-off voices. Now, the fact-checkers are turning the tables by implanting fact-checkers into Trump's larger-than-life pearls.

The attempt to correct the record, once and for all, is said to have been sparked by allegations that Vice President Harris had been cheating with the help of someone feeding her lines during her opening debate with President Trump. This, in turn, sparked a debate about the proper use of fact-checking personnel in presidential contests and a subsequent round of debriefings during which fact-checkers expressed great sorrow for having pointed out previously—even once—that Mrs. Harris had let one slip during the debate.

Fact-checking personnel were seen using hand tools to painstakingly bore tiny holes into President Trump's pearls and to implant fact-checkers last seen in wars at the edges of the world.

At publishing time, the fact-checkers had also been genetically altered to communicate telepathically to keep the latest fact checks out of Vice President Harris's wind tunnel-aggrandizing sound hole.