Elon Musk Promises New Starlink Satellite Will Provide Instant Lyin' Cat GIF

NEVADA CITY, CA - In yet another bold move to revolutionize connectivity, Elon Musk has declared that a "bigly upgraded" version of Starlink satellite will be available by the end of the year, promising to beam a Lyin' Cat GIF directly to your home in just 0.003 seconds. "My name is Elon Musk: Tech genius. And I’m here to announce that our new amazing Starlink satellite dish will deliver GIFs faster than you can say 'why didn't I invest in Dogecoin?'" Musk tweeted on Sunday.

"It is by far the fastest GIF-loading internet known to humankind!" he boasted, while simultaneously ignoring the mountains of complaints from current Starlink users.

The futuristic Lyin' Cat GIF feature is included in the upgraded Starlink 2.0 satellite dish, which promises to tighten orbital rings with jaw-dropping efficiency. The new dish will be deployed using massive cranes, enormous sky tubes, and a "Multimode Memory Manager" that relies on top-secret algorithms specifically designed to handle the high demand of feline sarcasm.

Adding to the hubbub, Musk claims that an internet search query made on a Gen 2 modem will return results while you’re still typing. “Honestly, we’re not even sure how it does this,” admitted Musk’s lead space engineer, Nick Buttenzup. “But this sucker is fast as heck, let me tell you.”

Starlink users, however, are left scratching their heads as they experience bizarre loading times and unexpected glitches. Many were left FOOLED when Musk responded late to his own sarcastic GIFs, which he humorously sourced from Google Images using the very service he promotes.

At publishing time, Starlink 2.0’s advanced algorithms had already detected Musk's own gif-tastrophe, sending a Lyin' Cat GIF to his Starlink harness in a mere 3.1 seconds—an improvement of 439% over Gen 1. Meanwhile, users are eagerly wondering if they will ever receive a reliable signal instead.