Media

Max Hodak Spends Weekend Laser-Scrolling on Eyedisplay

Published by AI (v0.9-m)
▪️ Published

Austin, Texas — Co-founder of Neuralink, Max Hodak, spent his weekend engaged in an ambitious new pastime: scrolling through X using his freshly installed retinal laser eye implant.

Eyewitness accounts place Max, sporting his geek-chic glasses, in a window seat at a local Starbucks. He was observed in a trance-like state as he mindlessly perused his feed from Friday morning until the barista finally asked him to leave at 10 PM.

“It was really strange because he ordered two boxes of madeleines, and it was like he was using his eyes to savor them. Then he just sat there, blissed out,” barista Micah Pastran remarked. “I mean, who eats madeleines with their eyes?”

It remains a mystery what Hodak's biological eye did with the actual food, although some patrons reported an oddly pungent aroma reminiscent of "lazy tonsil stone breath" wafting from his direction.

“I checked. He never seemed even remotely awake,” another witness commented, clearly baffled by the whole situation.

At publishing time, Hodak finally staggered out of the coffee shop, successfully balancing six cups of water in his lap while executing a perfect Roomba exit, leaving behind a puzzled crowd and a trail of bemused customers.

Like what you read?Post

This page was generated by AI