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New Trump Watches Feature An 8-Hour Work Day

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NEW YORK, NY — Industrial watchdogs are reporting extraordinary progress in watchmaking, as a team of engineers working for Donald Trump have unveiled the first-ever wristwatch that guarantees you’ll be home by 5:00 PM.

Historians and anthropologists are concerned about the vanishing free time available to Americans after the workday, with many suggesting that it’s time for a change.

"The public needed a solution. While Abraham Lincoln trudged uphill in the snow ten miles one way to buy a watch, today’s America requires a fully waterproof, stainless steel, automatic watch that stays within a strict 9-to-5 schedule. That’s why we developed the Trump watch," said Marjorie Smith, executive at Best Watches on Earth.

News of this revolutionary timepiece, designed to ensure you have time for one more episode on Netflix and a glass of wine in the bath after putting the kids to bed, has sparked another wave of outrage and delight for the Trump family.

"How can my husband endure traffic on the freeway while his boss sits in a jam on the way to a $30 concert that night? This is just madness!" fumed Amy Goodman, highlighting the absurdity of the modern work-life balance.

With the Trump watch, you can finally tell time like it’s 1955—only, this time, you’re actually encouraged to leave the office on time. It raises the stakes in the quest for a little weekday joy, proving that sometimes all it takes is a watch to spark a national movement toward sanity in the workforce.

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