Boeing Excited To Lose $1 Billion Less Than Expected On Starliner

ARLINGTON, VA — Executives at Boeing were found to be in an uncharacteristically upbeat mood after the company determined it would only lose $1 billion on the Starliner project instead of the $2 billion they had initially expected.

"These new numbers really make us feel like we're in the black," said President & CEO David Calhoun. "Sure, $1 billion is a lot of money to lose, but things are looking fantastic when you realize you've saved $1 billion. Who would've thought we'd be so jazzed to lose $1 billion?"

Boeing had already invested hundreds of millions of dollars in development funds to partner with NASA to create the next generation of space travel. After the Starliner project experienced difficulties and delays, the company found itself faced with massive financial losses. "Really, losing $1 billion is like making money," Calhoun continued. "Our stockholders must be thrilled about this $1 billion loss. What a time!"

Boeing's leadership acknowledged that much work still needed to be done to see the Starliner project become a success but remained giddy at only losing $1 billion. "Yes, $1 billion is a loss, but it's also a huge window of opportunity," Calhoun said. "By ‘window,' I mean a window to lose $1 billion through. I love space!"

At publishing time, excitement had waned slightly after Boeing executives had been informed by company accountants that $1 billion is still equal to $1 billion.