MIT Researcher Files Restraining Order Against Walmart Employee Over Patent Infringement

TUCSON, AZ — In a startling twist in the world of intellectual property, an MIT analytical chemist has taken legal action against an unsuspecting Walmart employee, claiming patent infringement over the invention of concrete.

Tex Garrison, 43, touts himself as the creator of the age-old building material, which he asserts includes the timeless recipe of mixing sand, gravel, cement, and water. Garrison claims that ever since Walmart launched its own store brand concrete in the parking lots of their retail giants, his original patent has been brazenly pilfered.

"I'm not going to let some two-bit, blue-vest-wearing moron claim my invention and sell it at a bargain price to patrons who couldn't care less about the artisanal quality available at specialty street corner construction supply stores," thundered Garrison while filing his own restraining order — a task he was uniquely qualified to undertake, apparently.

The restraining order forbids any Walmart employee from contacting him or stepping within 150 feet of his property. In a move that would make any security guard proud, Garrison has invited authorities to escort away anyone who dares to tread on his turf—regardless of clothing color.

At the time of our report, Garrison was busy dialing into local radio talk shows to passionately express his disdain for the public's casual usage of what he claims to be his other invention — the telephone.