Internet User Who Was Wrong on the Internet Attempts to Retreat from the Conversation

BALTIMORE, MD — Sources have confirmed that a local man is now trying to withdraw from an online discussion after failing to convince someone they were wrong on the Internet.

John Billerson reportedly claimed that black tires make cars look faster on Facebook but has since been overwhelmed by the ensuing debate and the sheer number of Internet denizens opposing his viewpoint. "Wait, hold on," Billerson was overheard saying after eight minutes of clarifying that he meant the aesthetic of the car, not that it actually goes faster with black tires. He expressed confusion over how anyone could interpret his statement differently. "Never mind, never mind. Forget it. Forget I said anything. I just wanted a simple reply, but not that simple! I was just making idle chit-chat. Why can’t I ever just grab coffee with my dad, run to Sam's Club, and then make it home in time for Jeopardy?" Sources report that Billerson rolled his eyes and sighed heavily before locking his phone and slumping in his booth.

Eyewitnesses confirm that he then stepped outside and gazed longingly at a shiny new Ford Mustang, something he'd been wanting for several months, but ultimately decided against going in to speak with anyone.

At publishing time, other Internet users continued to bombard his original thread with responses, poised for further escalation with replies like "K" or "LOL," thus leaving Billerson's once-clean, geometrically precise life in literal shambles.