Apple Announces New Feature That Bluetooths Your Nude Photos To Everyone Within 30 Feet

CUPERTINO, CA — Tech giant Apple announced a new iOS feature called AutoDrop today, enabling Apple users to automatically share their nude photos with every device within a 30-foot radius.

"We here at Apple have always encouraged people to share their AirDropped nude photos one at a time, but always wondered if there was a better way," said Apple CEO Tim Cook. "AutoDrop opens the floodgates and shares them with everyone. Paperboy, crossing guard, postman — if you're within 30 feet of an Apple user, you'll be getting sexy pics! Whole Foods, here I come!"

Apple introduced the feature at their annual Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) to the delight of perverts worldwide. According to sources, several biker gangs are considering making the switch away from Android.

"It used to be you would have to walk from town to town, AirDropping your nude photos to one creeped-out person at a time," said one biker. "Now we can let AutoDrop carpet bomb people, like God's holy hand-grenade of nudity."

Elon Musk has announced Twitter is considering a similar feature called "AutoDM Nudes."

At publishing time, congress had summoned Tim Cook to an anti-trust hearing after finding everyone at the DOJ had gotten several high-quality photos of his genitalia.