Area Man Excited To Finally Be In Top 92% Of PokéTrainers After 16 Years On Pokémon Go

LOS ANGELES, CA — Pokémon Go player Casey Warsett finally felt the joy of sweet victory when, after dedicating eight years to the game, he finally broke into the top 92% of PokéTrainers in a popular talent competition.

"It's never easy to pursue the title of Pokémon Go Tour Champion," said Warsett. "One must dedicate years of their life to the game, sacrifice career goals and time spent with family, often eat cereal for dinner several times a week since they can't afford to eat out, often sleep in vending machine rooms at motels with doors leading into the parking lot — but if you stay on the course and believe, others will also believe you deserve to be ranked among the top 92% of other competitors."

According to sources close to the competition, judges marveled at Warsett's near-mastery of the game. "He's clearly better than at least 13 of the 16 other competitors," said judge and leader of Team Instinct, Spark. "Casey deserves to rank among the best of the best of the slightly less good."

Other Pokémon Go Tour competitors checked their egos when Warsett's name was announced in the top eleven. "I need to work harder if I want to consistently finish in the top eleven," said one competitor. "I suppose I could just not play a few rounds of PvP when I get home from work to spend more time with my kids, but that's just ridiculous."

At publishing time, Casey Warsett began his journey to hopefully finish in the top nine by 2031.