FDA Announces Official 2024 Super Bowl Snack, A Spoonful Of Mayonnaise

SILVER SPRINGS, MD - Health officials are warning Super Bowl party-goers that snacking on foods not officially approved by the FDA could pose serious risks to your health.

"Each year we see an uptick in food-related illnesses following the big game," warns FDA spokesperson Carla Thompson. "This is why today, on behalf of the Food and Drug Administration, I am officially announcing the 2024 Super Bowl approved snack: a spoonful of Mayonnaise. Hellman's brand only. Best Foods brand is not approved for consumption and could lead to illness or death."

According to the FDA, other popular Game Day snacks, such as chicken wings, chips and salsa, and vegetable platters have not been evaluated and could contain harmful bacteria, pesticides, or the deadly Nightshade plant. Only a "heaping spoonful - no less than 15 mL" of Hellman's Mayo is considered safe, and consumers are urged to time stamp their spoon to ensure it has not been out for more than two hours.

"We understand that not everyone enjoys a spoonful of Mayonnaise as much as we do," Thompson acknowledges, "but the health of your family is at stake. Do not risk it with unsafe snacks."

At publishing time, sources had also confirmed that all beverages consumed during the Super Bowl must be a minimum of 100º proof and have a cigarette warning from the Surgeon General prominently displayed on the bottle.