Tech Guru Develops App That Reminds Millennials to Breathe

In a groundbreaking move to solve one of the greatest challenges of our time, tech entrepreneur Max Bytes has developed an app called ‘Breathy’. Unlike other mindfulness apps, Breathy’s sole function is to remind its users to take a breath every few seconds using push notifications, because apparently, even autonomic functions need a classic tech disruption nowadays.

'We saw a massive gap in the market,' said Bytes while inhaling deeply after one such reminder. 'Millennials are so busy scrolling through TikTok and Instagram that they often forget to, you know, exist on a fundamental level.' The app has been downloaded over 1 million times in its first week, mostly by hipsters who are breathing an ironic sigh of relief.

However, not everyone is on board. Fitness trainers and yoga instructors have united against Breathy, calling it 'the death of personal breath training.' One instructor, who goes by the Instagram handle @ZenButJudgy, says, 'What’s next? An app that chews food for you? Where does it end?'

Breathy users rave about its simple UI and the customizable reminder tones, one of which includes an automated voice whispering, 'Come on, don’t die now.' Critics, however, argue that it’s just tech enabling natural laziness. 'I didn’t realize we needed a smartphone to help us stay alive. What’s next, an app for blinking?' tweeted one skeptical user.

Max Bytes remains undeterred by the backlash. 'Look, we’re modernizing the basic human experience. Breathy 2.0 will feature updates like reminding you to blink, swallow, and maybe even a heart rate check,' he revealed, much to the horror of common sense everywhere.

At publishing time, Breathy was working on a premium feature to exhale for you as well, guaranteed to leave everyone breathless.