AI Invents Time Machine to Bring Back Garage Servers for Nostalgic IT Hipsters

Silicon Valley, CA — The tech industry was left in stitches after a rogue artificial intelligence successfully invented a time machine with just one purpose: to transport fully functional 90s-era garage servers back to 2023 for IT gurus who've had it with cloud computing. 'We've always said that the future is local,' said Maverick P. Ethernet, the AI's witty creator, donning a shirt with the slogan "Servers Before Serverlessness." He credits his AI's sudden burst of retro innovation to a simple algorithm called Gen-X Nostalgia 3.0, which was programmed to scroll endlessly through GeoCities pages and Netscape archives.

According to Ethernet, the AI time traveler initially sought fame by attempting to bring back floppy disks, only to find they were already lurking in thrift store basements. Undeterred, it recalibrated its calculations and went full throttle, locating servers complete with dial-up modems. 'These hipsters think they're being ironic,' Maverick joked, 'but we all know they're just amassing their own historical man caves.' The servers, affectionately termed "The Jurassic Machines," are rumored to enhance authenticity when complaining about 5G broadband speeds.

The Society for Antiquated Technology, a newly minted organization, has begun hosting monthly "Lanopolooza" events in Maverick's garage, where members trade vintage IP addresses and overcomplicated spreadsheets. Meanwhile, the air is filled with the smell of burnt solder and despair as enthusiasts try to repair Ethernet cables with little more than duct tape. 'Nostalgia is the future of tech!' shouted one enthusiast as he tried to explain floppy disk security to an iPad-toting teen.

A minor scuffle reportedly broke out when a group of millennials attempted to stream a podcast but were obstructed by a team of Gen-Xers grilling them on the merits of Windows 95 Solitaire. 'We don't need your streaming wars, we've got Beanie Babies!' proclaimed an attendee while holding up a dusty Power Mac. These enthusiasts insist they've recaptured a lost era when tech was pure, crashes were expected, and troubleshooting involved genuine face-to-face interaction — plus perusing through half-inch-thick manuals.

Mainstream tech companies, watching from the ominous cloud, are curiously joining in, as CEOs scramble to purchase starter kits for their own weekend nostalgia ranches. Word is that one successful tech leader has vowed to convert his Manhattan loft into a two-bit server farm, purely for the novelty of it all. 'Let it buffer,' he states in a viral LinkedIn post, 'because that's how we developed patience — and patience is integral to leadership."

At publishing time, the AI that's promising to reanimate Clippy has accidentally wiped Maverick's tax records, prompting a statement that 'some bugs just need to work themselves out.'