Tech Giants Announce Revolutionary New App That Automatically Adds 'It's Not You, It's Me' to Text Messages

Silicon Valley, CA – In a groundbreaking announcement that has already sent waves of relief through the socially awkward masses, a coalition of leading tech firms unveiled a cutting-edge app guaranteed to revolutionize how modern humans damage their relationships. Dubbed GoodbyePal, this app automatically inserts 'It's not you, it's me' into any text message requiring a soft exit strategy, providing a universal balm for those unable to verbally navigate life's more tricky conversations.

Developers of GoodbyePal describe the app's technology as an innovative blend of artificial intelligence and universal human cowardice. 'We've harnessed the real-world awkwardness of millions of conversations to create an app that delivers the gold standard of non-confrontational rejection,' explained lead developer, Marcus Mumble. 'It uses advanced algorithms to scan your outgoing texts and insert the universally-approved excuse whenever necessary, sparing you the trouble of personal accountability.'

In addition to its signature feature, GoodbyePal offers a customizable excuse generator that caters to various scenarios, from avoiding plans with distant acquaintances to gently declining invitations to pyramid scheme meetings. 'It's the ultimate tech tool for the emotionally inarticulate,' Mumble added, grinning like an overpaid Cheshire cat.

The initial user reactions have been overwhelmingly positive, except among professional breakup artists, who expressed concern over the app potentially automating their craft. 'We've spent years honing our skills with 'Dear John' letters and post-it notes,' lamented Sally Severance, president of the International Guild of Breakup Artists. 'This app is putting us out of business by making flaky humans even flakier. It's a true game-changer.'

Corporate world insiders predict that GoodbyePal could potentially displace several industries built around avoiding tough conversations, like mediation services and the greeting card industry. The latter has already filed a lawsuit, accusing the app of unfair competition by rendering its 'Sincere Apology' section obsolete.

At publishing time, insiders revealed that GoodbyePal was undergoing modifications to expand its capabilities to negotiating job resignations, promising a future where a user might never have to utter a single awkward word again.