Study: 95% Of Parenting Is Not Throwing Stuff Away When Kids Aren't Looking

U.S. — A large-scale study conducted by the Institute of Family Studies has found that a remarkable 95% of parenting consists of not throwing things away when kids aren't looking.

Researchers observed hundreds of families over a five-year period and noted the exact actions of parents throughout the day. Overwhelmingly, parents reported that the majority of their parenting duties involved keeping an eye on their little ones and ensuring that whatever junk the kids had left laying around the house was not disposed of whenever the kids weren't looking.

"Oh no! My son found a crayon!" said one dad in the study. "He's going to be drawing on the walls now. Quick! Quick! Don't let the baby get that pacifier!" reported a mom to her husband across the room. "Uh-oh," another dad was overheard, "Little Susie is going to get that Lego before Timmy does..."

Parents confirmed that keeping little kids from losing track of a precious toy or helping to re-find a beloved blanket was paramount. "Sigh. My life is 95% making sure this little stinker doesn't lose his binky, and about 5% of actually being a pediatrician," noted one pediatrician-mom.

At publishing time, the IFS reported that the other 5% of parenting involved sending desperate text messages to other parents asking if they'd seen a random toy that was now exclusively out of circulation.