New Smartphone App Predicts When You'll Be Ghosted by Your Tinder Match

In a groundbreaking development that has left relationship experts scratching their heads and single people furiously downloading, a new smartphone app called 'Ghosted' promises to predict when you’ll be dumped by your Tinder match.

Utilizing a combination of advanced algorithms, artificial intelligence, and a magic eight-ball for good measure, Ghosted boasts an 89.99% accuracy rate in foretelling heartbreak.

'We’re revolutionizing rejection,' said the app's creator, who prefers to remain anonymous for fear of being ghosted himself. 'Why get blind-sided when you can schedule your despair?' The app analyzes texts, emojis, and even the frequency of memes shared to determine just how likely it is that you’ll be left reading the proverbial tea leaves.

Early adopters rave about the accuracy of the app's 'run-for-the-hills' notification system, which sends a push alert whenever your digital Cupid decides to take a permanent coffee break without telling you. 'I knew it was over before it even began,' sighed one user, who asked to be identified only by her Tinder alias, 'Heartbreaker91.' 'Ghosted gave me the heads-up I needed to stock up on ice cream and sad rom-coms.'

On social media, reactions range from sheer delight to outright panic. Some users appreciate the heads-up and have already taken proactive steps to be emotionally unavailable first. Meanwhile, critics argue that the app might inadvertently become a self-fulfilling prophecy, prompting users to swipe left on potential partners preemptively. 'We’re just as surprised as you are,' said the anonymous creator, shrugging off the criticism. 'But we live in an age where technology can solve every problem, including the ones created by other technologies.'

At publishing time, the app was crashing repeatedly due to an overwhelming surge in downloads, leaving developers to wonder who ghosted whom.