New iPhone X Just A Sneaky Device For Illuminati Mind Control, Apple Admits

CUPERTINO, CA — Following the much-anticipated reveal of the iPhone X earlier this month, Apple has now admitted the device was specifically designed to secretly carry out the will of the Illuminati, ushering in a new era of mind control and oppressive world government.

According to Apple, the extra "X" in the new phone's name stands for "eXtra mind control," a feature the late Steve Jobs reportedly always wished to include in the iPhone but was unable to before his death.

In a rare moment of corporate transparency, Apple CEO Tim Cook admitted during a recent press event that all the various bells and whistles of the iPhone X — from the Face ID to the taptic engine — are really just part of the massive, sinister plot to keep the citizens of earth blissfully unaware of the global oligarchy pulling the strings from behind the scenes. "For the New World Order to be established, we need to be able to wipe people's minds of any dissent, obviously," Cook reportedly said behind closed doors.

The next-generation OLED Super Retina display was confirmed to be the key to transmitting the subliminal messages from a special app that will be secretly installed on every iPhone X, with the satellites already in place to blanket the entire planet with the brainwashing signals. Sources also confirm that only Apple itself knows the true identities of the twelve who have been chosen to sit on the Council of eXecutive Orders, also referred to as the Twelve (i)Phones.

While the iPhone X is the first to incorporate the top-secret mind control technology, sources within Apple revealed that every iPhone 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 has also come with the capability of controlling people's thoughts and actions, with all the secrets now being passed along to the iPhone X brain trust. Cook also hinted that the iPad line and Apple's various computers have all been integral to the plot — and don't even get him started on Android phones, which he referred to as "speed bumps" on the path to total human enslavement.

At publishing time, Apple had released a statement denying any mind control capabilities on the iPhone X and reminding all citizens to report any friends or family who questioned the statement.