Man Absolutely Dying To Be The First To Comment 'First!' On His Own Post

A Brenham, Texas man was reported to be absolutely dying to be the very first to comment "First!" on a post he made himself this afternoon.

"I couldn't let anyone else beat me to it," said man Michael Ragland as he lay on the ground unresponsive due to respiratory failure. "Wait...get me up! I'm not done yet! I need to make another post!"

According to sources at Facebook, Ragland had made an innocuous post asking his friends for tips on how to remove tree sap from his car. However, Michael quickly scrambled to type "First!" on his own post after a few of his friends made quick comments before him. Ragland's rapid dash across the living room apparently caused the family dog to trip him and he fell flat on the ground and unable to breathe.

At publishing time, Ragland's wife reported that Michael was fine after a trip to the ER but was back on Facebook asking for tips on dog training and was once again beat to the "First!" comment by another user before he could get it.