iPhone Swapping With Samsung Now Requires Additional Brain Surgery

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Apple and Samsung are two tech companies that have long dominated the smartphone market, but many iPhone users have been reluctant to make the switch to Samsung models. Now, a new study may have revealed why: swapping an iPhone for a Samsung phone now requires additional brain surgery.

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that the average iPhone user had nearly a dozen neurosurgical procedures added to their life expectancy when switching to a Samsung phone.

"We've known for some time that switching from an iPhone to a Samsung phone is no trivial matter," said Dr. Leonard Steinberg, the lead researcher on the study. "Our research has confirmed that, in addition to the imminent risk of death from electrical shock when handling the Samsung phone, brain surgery to remove Apple neurochips is necessary to prevent fatal interactions between the two phones."

Though many are daunted by the added risks, there are some who welcome the necessity of additional brain surgery. "I usually have to wait weeks to get a neurosurgeon to take out a blood clot or fix a traumatic brain injury," said one hospital administrator. "Now I'll be able to schedule surgeries immediately since neurosurgeons will be free to do as many iPhone-Samsung swaps as they want. It's a win for everyone."

At publishing time, Apple announced an upcoming iPhone model will require only one less brain surgery.