Florida Now Requires All Statues To Wear Masks

TALLAHASSEE, FL - Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has been a trailblazer when it comes to not following the status quo on COVID response. While many governors have followed the science and implemented mask mandates, DeSantis has been leading the charge against those oppressive measures. Now, Governor DeSantis has enacted a new measure in the state of Florida that he hopes will set an example for the rest of the country: all statues in Florida are required to wear masks.

"It's just another common sense step we're taking here in the great state of Florida," said DeSantis. "Just as I'm committed to following the science by forcing every man, woman, and child to wear a mask outside, I'm also committed to following the science by forcing every statue to wear a mask. It's what the founding fathers would have wanted."

DeSantis has reportedly been driving around the entire state of Florida to make sure every statue is in compliance with the new mandate. He has said that any statue found not wearing a mask will be issued a hefty fine, and any person who dared to climb on a statue and place a mask under its nose or take it off for a picture would be charged with a hate crime.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that DeSantis had decided all Floridian turtles would be required to wear masks inside their shells.