16 GB Not Enough? Apple Just Dropped A 3-Core Dynamic Matrix Processor Gladiator Max Trisector Drone Chip

CUPERTINO, CA — Tech fans in uproar over the price hikes for the newest generation of hardware by Apple have been able to put down their pitchforks after checking this out, and none too soon.

According to sources, the California-based technology company shocked the world with yet another impressive announcement after revealing a new way to make new things happen faster than before. The announcement marked a stunning shift for Apple which had previously made new things happen just as fast as before.

"Some people out there had falsely spread this idea that 16 GB of RAM was sufficed to do it faster than you've ever gotten it," Apple CEO Tim Cook stated in a press conference unveiling the new chip. "But, ladies and gentlemen, this could not be farther from the truth. Not enough! No where near enough! And that, folks, is why we've gone up."

"Way, way up," he added further.

According to sources, the Apple gigachip with gladiator core drop is so fast, it hits "turbo" now when it happens, and appointed an illegal immigrant as the sole overseer of its operational achievement process to keep the gladiators from becoming angry.

At publishing time, sources confirmed that, predictably, Apple had raised the prices of other products to pay for this surprise bombshell.