Apple Announces Revolutionary New 'iStand'—A $999 Device Stand That Does Absolutely Nothing

In an unprecedented move that shocked both fans and critics, Apple unveiled the 'iStand' today, a cutting-edge device stand that, according to Apple, 'perfectly encapsulates the essence of doing absolutely nothing.' Priced at $999, the iStand is made from the finest space-grade aluminum and is designed to hold... absolutely nothing.

'It's a stand for your lifestyle,' said Apple's lead designer, while sporting the company's signature black turtleneck. 'We wanted to create a product that not only reflects the minimalist ethos of Apple but also challenges the very concept of utility. It’s not about what it does, but what it represents: pure potential.'

Apple enthusiasts were quick to praise the iStand on social media, with many noting that it would fit perfectly next to their $999 iPhone stand and $5,000 Pro Display XDR.

Critics, however, were less enthusiastic, pointing out that the iStand's only real feature is its hefty price tag. To which Apple responded, 'If you can’t see the value, it’s not for you.'

The iStand is expected to sell out within minutes of its release, as fans eagerly await the inevitable iStand Pro—rumored to include a carrying case and a small cloth for an additional $499.